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Kester

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  1. 2,746 votes

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    Kester commented  · 

    Please add a ONE-CLICK 'no thanks/ not my type' button in the inbox, BEFORE even opening the message, also in the taps tab. Even Romeo has done this now, so why can't you do it?

    It could be next to the 'delete' button. If it's two-clicks or only available after opening the message, more semi-asshole guys won't bother to even click it, and then it won't make a difference. It has to be easier than opening the message and out again to remove the notification.

    Saved messages is not a realistic solution, because that takes 4-5 clicks to say 'no thanks/ not my type', and the culture on Grindr is so mean guys won't even make that much effort to be kind to a person who they only see as a sexual consumer object to use to boost their ego, and treating other guys as so inferior they don't even deserve a 'no thanks' reply is one way they make themselves feel better.

    I just want the assholes who use Grindr mainly for virtual narcissistic supplies, not even for real hookups, to make themselves feel superior by not replying 'no thanks/ not my type' to anyone they consider inferior in the gay muscle / masc credit points hierarchy, or by ghosting after they've shown an interest and then persistently not replying, to have an easier time of replying 'no'.

    Grindr has an effective monopoly of the gay/bi/queer dating app market, so choosing another app with a less harmful structure and culture is not really an option. Scruff has more space for showing more personality so that abs pics count for less, but fewer guys use it. Romeo is also less reductive and has less of the culture of guys intentionally making other guys feel like shit to make themselves feel better, but it's a hassle to use and takes more time for less results.

    Already in the offline gay scene I think the prevalence of narcissistic PDs is >40%, and the Grindr virtual environment cultivates that kind of personality and behaviour even in people who aren't like that offline.

    It really doesn't take long to click in saved messages 'no thanks, not my type', and if everyone or most people did it it'd make the online gay socialising experience so much less miserable and self-esteem destroying for almost everyone. You could also make a 'maybe, but not right now' button. Sometimes people don't reply because they're busy and after hours on grindr that also feels personal.

    Currently the app structure and consequently the established grindr culture only really works for further inflating the egos of the top 1% of guys who succeeded in physically conforming most to the main gay ideal masculinity type of being big and muscly (or years ago they did and still use photos from then!). For most of us it's just miserable.

    And don't say "don't take it personally" - of course it's fucking personal! How can it not be when there's nowhere to go to expand one's offline friends circle now and online dating apps designed just for narcissistic assholes are all there is? I always start off with a healthy attitude of "whatever, assholes!" but after a few hours of grindr I feel like I am the most unattractive thing in the world. In offline socialising spaces I feel like I'm in the top 5% most attractive relative to people's responses and I'm generally friendly to everyone whether I fancy them or not, but Grindr makes me feel like utter shit.

    It's making me so angry I want to delete the app but of course there is no realistic alternative for socialising or finding new friends or sex partners due to covid19 closing all the face-to-face socialising venues.

    Add a one-click 'no' button, and you would save millions of guys globally billions of hours of wasted time, unnecessary misery and psychological harm, and maybe help detoxify the gay scene to make it less narcissistic supplies and drugs focused.

    Kester supported this idea  · 
  2. 1,064 votes

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    Kester supported this idea  · 
  3. 4,982 votes

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    Kester supported this idea  · 

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